Joining the YMCA, Learning Tai Chi, and Showing Myself Love

I joined the YMCA after many years of telling myself I would never be able to afford a membership. My place of employment offers reimbursement for a good chunk of the yearly cost, so I decided to hell with it, and I am already reaping the benefits. I LOVE the idea of leaving my home and having a place to go where I know I am caring for myself. I do not feel like I am trapped at home. I feel like I am a part of a community, even if alone. I am in the midst of others who are caring for themselves. On Monday, I swam. On Tuesday, I took a Tai Chi class. Today, I used the elliptical and treadmill. Tomorrow I'm going to another Tai Chi class. Maybe I will swim afterwards. In the class I attended on Tuesday, I was the youngest by decades. There was something magical about witnessing elder adults perform these difficult movements. Tai Chi is not easy for me to learn. There is something about it that goes against my entire being, and I think it is because, in practicing, I am adopting an alternate method of living. I felt a little stupid being behind everyone else in the moves. At one point I felt like crying and running away! The teacher, Dr. Johnny, is a Black Minister from a small southern town. Gene was the first to introduce himself. He wore a black, Tai Chi t-shirt and khaki shorts. Mike is in a wheelchair. He and Gene were having a conversation, and Mike asked Gene what he thought about T*ump's bill. Gene said he does not like T*ump at all. Thank goodness!!!! I immediately felt safer trying something new. Gelena is from Bulgaria and has been practicing Tai Chi for six years. She's amazing. She even repeats the names and sayings during certain practices. Another woman is a born-and-raised small-towner who kindly taught me a few of the partnered moves. I forget her name. I'm hoping I will stick with it and learn it. I keep telling myself I am worth the time it takes to learn something new, and I'm not on a deadline. I don't have to be perfect, I only have to show up. It's one hour twice a week. Perhaps not enough time to learn it very well, but hopefully I will improve a little each week. I have been intermittent fasting for 5 days now, and I'm proud of myself! I've kept it up and it hasn't been too difficult. I fast from 8pm until 12pm. This gives me an 8-hr window to eat. Today I made coleslaw, grilled some chicken, and cut up some fresh broccoli and watermelon. It was all so delicious! I want to feel good in my body but I also want to feel attractive in my body. I want to love myself, and I think a good way to show myself that I love myself is by caring for myself. And giving grace when I need it.