Letter to a Friend

Today I slept in and still felt horrible. I was overcome by exhaustion. I felt groggy and heavy and irritable. Everything hurt. I drank water and some coffee and waited until noon to eat (I started intermittent fasting again about a week and a half ago—not sure if it's the best move, but I wanted to try it temporarily to see how I feel). I ate horribly at noon—a bunch of carbs, basically zero protein, limited nutrients. As you can predict, it did not help my situation. I ended up taking an afternoon nap then went to the grocery store to get some food (we were out of everything). I came back and made some pasta salad with macaroni noodles, celery, cucumber, bell pepper, pickles, mayo & olive oil, salt, pepper, adobo, garlic and grilled two chicken breasts cut in half lengthwise on the George Foreman grill. It was lovely and I feel so much better now. I also drank a protein shake after my nap, which I think helped balance things out (I had bought some protein shakes awhile ago and had 4 left in my fridge—I know they aren't the best option, but they were better than the empty carbs I had as my first meal after breaking my fast). Now I've been sitting here catching up on emails and I feel so much better. I did not exercise today, but I will tomorrow. I needed rest more than anything.

My washing machine smelled terrible, moldy, musty. I ran a cycle with Bleach and it smells much better. 

I think my hair is falling out. Now that it's finally grown out a good bit, it feels thinner. I need to do better about nutrition. I loved the Japanese YouTube videos you sent. 

I have a small cactus plant in my living room from a work craft event back at Christmastime. The catus has 2 "antennae" that have grown up and out over the bowl. I just noticed the "antennae" have fallen and drooped over against the bowl. It makes me feel sad, like I let it down somehow. It also seems like a metaphor. 

I wonder why women are so hard on themselves. Why I am so hard on myself. Why men don't have to think twice about their appearance—any change, ageing quality is forgiven immediately. Women are expected to be beautiful and adapt to ageing by fighting against it to be more youthful. We are expected to try harder to be sexier to handle our homes and keep our men happy and satisfied so we do not lose them. We are expected to excel at work and as the primary parent. There are so many expectations that make zero sense. Just something I was pondering today. 

I have several poems that I saved and loved. I may send some of them your way. XOXOXO