Feelings of Inadequacy, Letting Go of What Doesn't Matter, and Allowing Others to Have Their Opinions About You

 It feels like tomorrow should be Friday. I am exhausted this week. I'm still noticing improvement with my mood, but today was a poor mood day. I felt overwhelmed at work and tired in general. I have similar worries as before, but I have to trust that they will still accept me. I tend to go above and beyond at work to compensate for feelings of inadequacy in my personal life and hope for acceptance. However, this has proven not to be the right move in the past. I get that, I do, but I cannot help but to do my best. And I don't want to make myself small just because it makes other people feel weird. I truly want to help people; coworkers and patients. I don't know. Nothing I'm writing makes any sense. I'm making this more of a deal than it is. It doesn't matter! All I need to do is one thing at a time and hope that its enough. I will never please everyone—I need to learn this, accept it, and tattoo it inside of my brain. I don't want everyone to talk. I don't want people to say, "Oh! Did you see she takes quetiapine?? She's crazy," or "Ugh, she's doing it wrong," or "Can you believe she left and didn't tell anyone? How insane is that?" or "I wish she would get off her high horse and stop trying to be better than everyone." These are the things I imagine people saying. At the end of the day, whatever everyone else says about me is none of my business. They are free to have their own perceptions and opinions. And I need to let. it. go. 

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