To Clear Heads and Strong Hearts!

 I think I've figured it out. This could be the key to my overall wellness. On my long drive from work to my parents' home to pick up my daughter, I gave a great deal of thought towards 'time.' I was frustrated for a few reasons. 

Firstly, I have recently given my teenage daughter more freedom. She has broken curfew twice in the past two weeks, the second being today. I racked my brain trying to understand WHY she continued to break curfew. There weren't exceptional excuses or uncontrollable circumstances involved. She was late because she was present in the moment and enjoying conversation with her boyfriend and his family. The time before was because she was enjoying conversation with friends. Why, I thought, would she continue to break curfew knowing I would ground her? I think it could be a plethora of things. Maybe she truly forgot, lost track of time. It happens. I know it does for me. Maybe she figured it wasn't a big deal; although I would think my reactions to similar previous circumstances would make her think differently. Then, it hit me. She is a teenager with BRAND NEW freedom. She has never had to face life circumstances on her own. Sure, there are plenty of things she's been through that I'm sure she has not disclosed, but she's never had to pick herself up and move forward after making the wrong decision. And, in this case, breaking curfew is the wrong decision. I provided consequences accordingly and she accepted almost too easily. Is she growing up? I hope Life is gentle on her. 

I was frustrated because I was having to drive further than normal to pick up my daughter who broke curfew, and by which I felt she had disrespected my time. I had plans! I was going to walk my 2 miles like I wrote about yesterday! Nothing would deter the plan! Was I frustrated because my daughter broke curfew, or was I frustrated because her action delayed my plans? Honestly? A little of both. I want to know that I can TRUST her (which I know that I can), but when she doesn't take these small things seriously, it causes me to worry a great deal about the bigger things that will come along. Yes, her action delayed my plans. I was worried about getting home and eating in time to start my fast for the next day and to walk 2 miles. I ended up getting it done, but I am in bed later than normal, which may affect my mood tomorrow. 

Second, I was frustrated because I only have so much time in the day. And I am finding that rearranging my priorities is not as easy as I thought it would be. I want to prioritize my physical and mental health, my sleep, my overall wellness. How do I do this when I work 8 hours a day, commute 3-4 hours, walk for 1 hour, cook and clean for x amount of time, exist as a sounding board for my teen when she needs me, write my thoughts down in this blog post, and get enough downtime and sleep? Forget a social life! Forget a boyfriend! I guess I was frustrated because I feel like time is zooming away from me and I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up. I have to change my life. I have to take care of my body. It's the only one I've got. I need to be able to exist and do. 

Tonight I asked myself: "What things do I have to do daily that I do not particularly enjoy doing but must be done?" The first thing I thought of was "drive." I have to drive so much. I do not like it, but it must be done. Second was "work." It is what it is. If I want to pay for my house and my car that gets me back and forth, I have to work. Then I thought about walking the 2 miles. I don't particularly enjoy it, but it must be done, right? If I want to be able to continue living, and if I want to be able to handle LIFE in general, with all its up and downs, I must walk daily. For a clear head and a strong heart. I must do it. So, much like driving and working, walking is added to the top of the priority list. Wish me luck. 

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