Four Tips to a Better Morning, Making a Pre-Bed Bedtime, and Maybe Let's Not Throw the Dishes out with the Dishwasher

 I listened to a podcast on the way to work this morning. Four tips for harnessing your end-of-day exhaustion into a productive and meaningful evening routine — Morning "you" will thank you! While I can appreciate any advice that can transform me from less of a morning monster into a potential morning-tolerant humanoid, I think many can agree that evenings can be difficult too. And, let's face it, when you see clickbait that starts with "Four Tips..." we collectively skim the paragraphs following that lead to an underlined phrase that when clicked opens a podcast episode which, of course, happens at the most inconvenient times on the loudest phone setting possible, and after we scramble to turn the volume down, we realize the podcast has no readable transcript, which is problematic in itself due to the lack of accessibility, but we really . . . must . . . find out. WHAT ARE THE FOUR TIPS???! Considering I was already annoyed by the time I resigned to the fact that I would have to listen to the podcast, I was not able to truly soak in all the information provided. One of the tips was to do the dishes before bed. Clean up. I get it. YES I hate dishes. I hate them so much. The podcast host said it would only take 5 minutes. ONLY FIVE. Do you have a dishwasher? Of course you do. Everyone does. My 100-year-old house does NOT. I tested it out tonight. I started at 8:07pm and did not finish until 8:25. That's more than 5 minutes! But, the dishes are done and the counters are clean. So I guess that's a win. I was going to leave the dishes (it was only a couple!), but after I decided to do them, I watched the drainer fill up very quickly. I swear dishes multiply in that soapy water. I always end up with less utensils, but I'm always finding more cups. It's a cup orgy in there! One of the other tips was to choose a bedtime. Easy. 9:00 pm. But if I get caught up in a show or start writing or reading and don't feel like going to bed yet, maybe 10:00pm (living on the wild side over here). The caveat to choosing a bedtime is that you MUST get INTO bed early enough before your bedtime that you have time to settle in, read, and get comfortable before you fall asleep. Therefore, per the podcast host's calculations, I should be in bed by 8:15. Well, guys, it's 8:50 and I'm just now in bed. With my laptop. Typing this blog. I feel like the laptop breaks some unspoken rule due to the large screen. Oh well, it's how I write. Another tip was to do something for YOU for 5 minutes. No-siree! I deserve more than 5 minutes! So I will type this up and then read until 10pm. Then I'll have trouble winding down so I'll take a Benadryl for good measure and fall asleep late. Then the alarm will go off and I'll be groggy. But thank god the coffeepot has been preset! Thank god the dishes are done! No, really, I'm being sarcastic and weird but it is GOOD that I did those things. I just think it's funny when someone breaks down tasks into 5 minute intervals. I'm all for making future-me's load a little lighter, but, hey, she's gotta put forth the work too. Ain't no free rides over here. Unless you're my teenager.  

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