No More Running

 At the end of the day all we want is to be seen. We're cleaning the kitchen after dinner or folding the clothes before bed. Watching our favorite show or a movie we've seen thousands of times. Singing along to music that transports us back to the night of Junior Prom. Our hair is greyer now, shorter. Our middles heavier and our smiles guarded. We don't let happiness show like we did back then. Life taught us how quickly it can be ripped from our grasp. We have spent decades learning to be mysterious. Learning how to hide in case The Future comes calling to collect her dues. The crows feet at the corners of our eyes give us away. We used to laugh, did you know that? We used to drive too fast with the windows down. Caution was a word stamped in red on the peroxide bottle we used to dye our hair. Sand in our toes, hair whipping in our faces. Laughter. We knew we were seen. We wanted to be seen. There was nothing lucrative about it. It was. We were. We existed and the world knew it. Now we exist behind closed doors. We hide behind careers and children and photos to scroll and apps to download and keep track of how well we are sleeping, how well we are living. We are living our best life! as we add another item to our Amazon carts, one we cannot live without, the eye serum that will keep us young, the self-help book to heal our inner child, the water bottle we need to stay hydrated, because this one will work better than the others shoved to the back of the cabinet. If only we go to bed earlier, stay up later, meal-prep, shower before bed, pre-set the coffee maker, squeeze in 30 minutes of reading time, set our phones down long enough to tell ourselves we're not addicted, exercise. If only we do x, y, z, then we will be okay, we will be seen, we will be enough. We will be loved. That's all it comes down to, right? We will be loved. The truth is love is not earned. Love exists just like you and me. Love is like water or wind or breathing. Our hearts beating. The moon shining outside our window. We want to be seen but what we really want is what being seen means. We want to be enough. We want to be noticed, cherished. We want to be seen for ourselves. Loved for being exactly as we are. Being as we are. Love is being. We are love. No more running. 

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