Hit & Miss

It’s Sunday again and the sun is finally shining through the living room window. I found some stained glass pieces at the thrift store and hung one of them from that window. Naturally, I hung it too high. The sun misses it. My daughter wanted to go out yesterday, so we went downtown. Paid too much for tacos and bubble tea and coffee but it was a break from reality. Found my book at a bookstore. The first time I’ve seen it out in the wild. I signed it and put it back. I posted about it and said it was a dream come true. Which was true. Is true. But then we came home and she wanted to go with friends tomorrow and I said no and it turned into a terrible argument. She didn’t understand why I didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how she couldn’t see the obvious. She’s only 16. She doesn’t know. Today has been a slow day. I made homemade pop-tarts that were barely edible. Roasted peanuts and burned them. Had to throw them out. Settled for mediocre hot dogs. I took a two-hour nap and woke up full of rage. I dread work tomorrow. I am angry at my body. I am exhausted. I do not want to do anything. There are so many things that I need to do. So many things that I need. So many things. I’m not sure if this is my human nature or mental illness. I’m not sure if this is it or if it gets better. 

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