A Closet I Will Never Have Clothes In

I’ve spent the past five and a half months trying to make things work with someone who did not have the capacity for a relationship. I kept making excuses for him in my mind: work is crazy for him, his kids are the most important thing (which is true), he has past hurt and pain that is hard to overcome, etc. But I have found that if someone wants you in their life, they will choose to include you. There will be no second guessing as to whether they want you. It takes two seconds to send a text message. A short phone call takes minutes. I don’t care how busy anyone is—if someone is important to you, you make time. Whether that time is a phone call or a text message or a date night. I’ve been more than accommodating and have bent over backwards for this person in the name of love. That love has not been reciprocated and has, instead, been pushed into a shoebox in the back of a closet that I will never have clothes in. There is a point where love is no longer love, and is, in fact, attachment. Perhaps it was attachment the entire time—however, I do not think that was the case. I gave it a clear shot. I was vulnerable and real and authentic and true and gave until there was nothing left to give. I begged for crumbs that never came. So today I stand tall in letting the things that no longer serve me fall away. If he loved me, his actions would reflect that. There is no need for chasing someone who does not love me. Is that what I want? To beg someone for the smallest bit of affection? I’ve spent too much time in former relationships feeling more alone with someone I love than when I am truly alone with myself. I cannot force someone to communicate with me, and I cannot force them to be vulnerable or to reciprocate love. I can control how I react and respond. The first step is by ending the relationship and moving forward with my life. I am not damaged or inferior if I am not in a romantic relationship with someone in the present moment. Spring is coming. It’s not here yet, but it’s close. It’s time to shed the old to make way for the new. We are unable to accept what is good for us if we cling to what we know is not. He is not a bad person, he just doesn’t love me. And I can’t change that. So I will move on, with hope. All we can do is keep going. 

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